Project X Pan Success (Kinda...) & Makeup Haul! (Photo Heavy)

Hello virtual world! Let it be known it is currently almost 10:30, I woke up at 9:30 to write this because YES, I am not working. I worked over 30 hours....in the last three days. It was a bit of a crazy three days, too, so I am relieved to have a bit of time off!

Onto the better news! I have come to report about THREE products that have bit the dust and just so happen to be included in the Project X Pan that I have been (not really) slaving away at since I blogged about it. What products, you ask? Chill out, I'm getting there!

Now I know the rules "state" that you shouldn't can't buy any beauty products at all until all of the items in your project have been finished, but really, I'd be a terrible beauty blogger if I couldn't report the latest purchases and discuss reviews with the rest of you, am I right? Really, you all basically forced me into it, so shame shame shame on you! (But seriously, thanks for feeding the beauty bitch inside me...) So once I post about the products I've fnished, I'll fill you in on the, um, new products I just bought!

Here are the products that are finito....three down, seven to goooo!

Philosophy Purity Cleanser - Now, is it cheating if I've "hit pan" on this product before, like, five times? I love this cleanser and even though I have used it for so long now, I still may do a review on it for those of you who are not quite convinced yet. You will be once I write my review! No, my writing isn't that phenomenal (although you are more than welcome to think that!) but it really is a great item to have in any beauty arsenal!

e.l.f. Eyeliner Pen - This little bad boy is so shriveled up and I apologize for not being able to physically show you how dried out it truly is....I don't even know how I'd prove it? My real proof is that most of my purchases today were of the eyeliner variety, so that's proof enough....right? Good, let's go with that!

Yes To Tomatoes Daily Pore Scrub - Should be noted I went out to Target five minutes before they were scheduled to close because I was bone-dry-outttt of this product. Bonus? It was on sale for a dollar off. Cha-ching!

Another good thing about this product! 

You don't even need to scrape the sides, this sucker uses every last bit, 

does the dirty work for you! (Read the rest of the review here.)

So my Project X Pan has made a nice little dent! My bronzer has hit pan hardcore, so that should be going next. The hand cream and rosebud salve may never, ever be finished, so I'm an idiot for putting them in the project! Also an idiot for putting in my NARS Orgasm blush, because now that I've been using it like crazy, I never want it to end! Blast, isn't that how beauty always works?

Now onto NEW purchases, YAY. An Ulta haul is exactly what I've been needing - oddly enough, I had more restrain than usual (probably because it's summer and "less is more") but I still walked away with more than what I went in for!

Essie's Borrowed & Blue - Now, before you think I'm running out to buy this because I'm engaged, cool your jets because I'm totally not (boyfriend: take note). However, this color is absolutely perfect for me. I love all shades of blue...no really, I do, so I obviously needed to add this one to my collection. Word to the Ulta gal who checked me out at the register - remove your "buy one, get one free!" sign that's currently hanging below your Essie polishes because it's a LIE, you evil bitch. "Uhhh, nooooo, that isn't coming up on here, sorrry." Fine, I'll only get the one polish, then, you dirty skank. Haute as Hell (name wrong maybe?) was my "free" choice but alas, false advertising wins again....

Looks a bit silvery in the photo but it's a matte, soft blue in reality. LOVE!

NYX Slim Eye Pencils in Black/Brown and Satin Blue - I really don't need new liners, but considering the e.l.f. one is a shriveled up bitch, it was time to give pencils another go-round. I plan on using the brown/black for a waterline pencil, but that look still confuses me and since I'm so blonde, I'm a little nervous I'll look like a cheap hooker. I love the way it defines everyone else's eyes, though, so I may give in and try to see how I can make it work for a pale-ass blonde like myself! The satin blue is just a fun midnight color that I think will be great for summer to bring out the baby-blue's.

EOS Lipbalm in Lemon - Heck yes, I finally got that blasted little egg thing! It was by the checkout (go figure) so I snatched it up so super fast! They only had Lemon or Sweet Mint left and although the Sweet Mint was in a gorgeous egg color, I don't like Mint on my lips, only in my mouth...it's weird, I know, but I'm very adamant about this! So Lemon it is...and it definitely tastes like a lemon drop (for you of age readers) so that part is a total bonus, too!

 

Bare Minerals Finishing Veil - I needed a new powder after my e.l.f. mineral booster bit the dust (DAMN, why did I add this bad boy to the PXP?!) My friend raves about Bare Minerals, and honestly, so does everyone else, so I figured I would try one product first before taking the powder plunge. I like it so far, maybe I'll love it soon enough. I have been wearing virtually no makeup to work as of late so I need to give this little guy more of a test run before I can really say it's got a steady rental in my makeup drawers.

I also went to F21, Sephora, and Marshall's for last-minute trip items (not really, but that sounds legitimate, right?) so here are those purchases!

[Everything is shown here, but the dress is really the one thing 

that stands out (go figure), so more photos are down below!]

Marshall's - Swim Coverup Dress
I really didn't need one of these (just like everything else I bought, really) but I kind of did seeing as how I wanted a cover-up that wasn't just daisy dukes and a tank top. I liked this dress at first but then kept asking my sister "Are you suuuuure it isn't too MTV Jersey Shore" to which she replied "Torrie, you're blonde and pale and look nothing like someone who just drinks all day, you're fine." She made a solid point, so I bought it. It's growing on me. We're going down South for the July 4th weekend and this will stand out like a sore thumb, and I like that aspect about it!

F21 - Ring, 2 Bracelets
I don't really know why I have been buying so much jewelry lately. I think it's curbing my shopping addiction; see, if I'm not out buying a ton of clothes but still buying a ton of inexpensive jewelry, well, at least I'm still buying something, right? I've tricked my brain into thinking this is logical, so I'm going with it until I wise up. I thought the little "wish" one was cute, and the gold/silver mix on the other is really balanced, I think. Why people don't get smarter and make bracelets smaller for those of us who have very tiny wrists is beyond me, but I find it quite rude!

Sephora - Feathers
My friend and I will (most likely) be getting the real deal put in today, but I couldn't help but buy these ones for a test run before taking the plunge into the more "permanent" look. I liked the outcome a lot and even though it was $25 bucks, at least I know I like them now and can use these as back-up. Let me know what you think of this trend...do you have them, love them, hate them, think I look ridiculous? My boyfriend saw the photo and responded with, "You got them? It looks like lizard tails in your hair, which is BADASS." Boys....they just don't get it.

Have you made an recent summer purchases? I plan on making a few more before we leave (which is tomorrow at midnight, so technically Saturday morning?) I really need SPF 30 sunscreen because it's supposed to be hot as hell and I wanted a GOOD/GREAT book to read on the way there, so please give me your suggestions! I wanted to buy Lemony Snicket's but alas, the whole series doesn't come in one big book (which was what I was banking on finding when I went to B&N last night), so really, if you have a good book (chick-lit need not apply considering I really have ready too many of those lately!) then let me know!! 

Enjoy your day. I know I will considering I am OFF work and will be until July 9th. Do you hear that? I do! It's a chorus of angels singing for my happiness!

Until next time, farewell you beautiful bloggers and readers ;)

"Best" Bitch in Town! (Kidding...)

Hello you love-el-ly people! I'm currently sitting at work while Mighty Morhpin Power Rangers plays in the other room, boys completely transfixed. Let me just say that I loved this show as a youngster and now seeing it in my 23-year-old form, I am so terribly disappointed. It's awwwwful! The whole "let's take a Japanese show and mesh it with American clips" fooled me in my younger days, but when Rita's voice never matches what she says and other aspects of the show just seem completely off, it's clear to me I was an idiot of a child and due to my wise nature now, this show just screams terrible. So sad.

Onto beauty blogging news! I won the same award TWICE while sleeping last night. I should go to bed listening to Bon Iver more often! Thanks to Chloe's Travels and Hannah Michelle for awarding me the "Best Blog" award. Considering the word "best" is quite the adjective, I feel all warm and flushed, and no, I haven't been drinking (although that would make the day easier/faster!) So I suppose I'll follow the rules now....let's do this.

1. Link back to the person/people who awarded you (above)
2. Share 7 random facts about yourself (already done HERE)
3. Award other bloggers (look below!)
4. Answer the following:

Favorite Color : Jade
Favorite Song : Tough, but I'd say "Clarity" by John Mayer
Favorite Dessert : Creme Brulee
Making You Pissy : My job, duh
When You're Upset, You : Go for a drive
Favorite Pet : Auz & Luna, of course (my love birds)
Black or White : Black (makes you look skinnier!)
Biggest Fear : Spiders
Best Feature : Eyes, I guess?
Everyday Attitude : "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Best quote ever.
What is "Perfection" : Everyone should have their own definition to this word. Being true and natural, though, create a good foundation for something so unattainable.
Guilty Pleasure : Any TV show on Bravo


I'm awarding these people because A) they are fan-freaking-tastic and/or B) I look forward to reading their blogs any and every time I'm on here! I also awarded people who should be recognized more in the blogging world! I even put them in alphabetical order! Look at this girl goooo :)

Antiqued Gold

BlueRose/AngieB

Dream Out Loud

Little Ramblings

Procrastinating Pretty

I'm off to start lunches and hope that the rest of my day flies by! TGIF, I am so very much looking forward to the weekend. No real plans but at least I get to sleep in and not have kiddos hanging all over me for two whole days! I may do another "Summer Haul" if I ever make it to Ulta and the mall this weekend. Yesss, just watching the money burn through my wallet. Damnit.

Until next time, enjoy your weekend and farewell lovahs....

Speedy Summer Haul!

So after a super wonderful morning turned into a super awkward and pretty much awful afternoon of work, I figured I'd try and perk up by writing this post after having a wonderful pig-out session of tacos and margs with the boyfriend.

I had to go to the dreaded, awful, hell-hole-on-Earth-of-a-place today. Yes, you're right. I had to go to the DMV. I'm pretty sure these bad boys are dreadful all over the country, but that doesn't make my trip any better. People, it's 2011....accept cash or credit, end of story. Don't ask me for a check or money order....if it was before some crazy guy decided the world was going to end, then fine, maybe acceptable....but the world didn't end and we're halfway through 2011....GET ON BOARD people! GET ON MY LEVEL, you hear me? DMV rant over, lost license replaced. Lesson learned? Go to the DMV early and don't forget to pack your clutch for a weekend getaway because you WILL lose your license/ID.

So what's a gal to do with time to spare after enduring a hellish DMV trip and before enduring a hellish nanny workday? Go speed shopping, of course! I promised myself I would not buy any actual clothing items, as I can do that this weekend when I have more time, but I definitely was after some items in specific and I'm happy to say I got them. Had I known my mall haul would be so lucky, I may have tried to save that luck to cash it in at work, but I didn't know it ahead of time and I dealt with the multiple temper tantrums today with the knowledge in mind that I would drink heavily afterwards.

Let's get to the haul.... 

BRACELETS! I bought two wrap bracelets from the "BP" section of Nordstrom. Confession (an entire post of these below, by the way): I bought these after seeing THIS gal talk about them on her YouTube page. I've been wanting these for awhile but always managed to forget about them until I was catching up on her YouTube videos. Super cute bracelets...I just wish my wrists were bigger so they didn't look so awkward. I wrap them together and then kinda smoosh them around my MBMJ watch like so:

SANDALS! I don't really need sandals persay, but I've been wearing the same beat up pair to work because they're easy to slip on and off, so I wanted so new pairs for this reason. Both for an even $15 bucks, win! The first pair is in the color I bought but I actually bought the second pair in an all-black style but it wasn't on the site:

HAT & SUNNIES! I really wanted the Panama Hat from J.Crew but for nearly $60 on a hat I may not wear very much, I knew I could be thrifty and find a cheaper alternative. CHA-CHING, thanks H&M! Not only did I score a near identical hat for just $13, but I also scored round sunnies for THREE dollars. I'll stop with the capital letters now, so annoying. I was tempted to buy more bracelets, a cute clutch, and even a scarf, but I refrained. Let's have a virtual clap for me.

That's all for the haul. I even rewarded my speediness with a nice iced coffee before picking up the boys from camp...and then all hell broke loose. Temper tantrums, screaming, crying, kicking, losing shoes....I won't continue. It was only a five-hour day and I felt like I was stuck for years in a life-sucker vacuum. Sadly, it's a nine hour day tomorrow, like usual, so I should just relish in the fact that today was only five hours. My body wants to cry a little bit, but instead, I'll just go to sleep with a full belly of tacos and margs.

Until next time, farewell lovahs....

Superficial Sanctuary Confesses...

I have never done a link-up. No, that's not one of the confessions. Wait, I guess it is now? Either way, before you read this, go and read the fabulous gal who started this link and link-up with her and the rest of the gang. Also, follow her blog if you don't already because we all need a good laugh and she sure as hell delivers it!

I CONFESS....I can't wake up unless my alarm is set on a random number. I will not wake up at the usual 15/30 minute increments like 6:45, but set it for 6:48 or even 6:43 and I'll (sort of) oblige...after hitting snooze exactly three times.

I CONFESS....I sometimes want the littlest tyke I watch (there's two of them) to actually follow through with the punch he always tries to throw before I put him down for a nap just so I can text the mom and say "Uhhh, can I leave now then?!" I'd gladly explain my black eye over happy hour drinks if it meant I was done with work to actually make it to happy hour!

I CONFESS....I took a photo of a girl in the same group as me (didn't know her, my boyfriend's friend did) over the weekend because her outfit was so heinous that I had to show proof to my friend who was not there. I didn't even try to mask the fact I was snapping her photo with my iPhone.

I CONFESS....I ordered mac-n-cheese from the same restaurant/bar over the three days I was away this weekend. The first time I ate it plain, the second day I added chicken, and on the third day I added chicken and bacon. And no, I didn't workout today. For shaaaame!

I CONFESS....I had to listen to rap/r&b music on my way to work. Lil Wayne, Kanye West, NeYo, Chris Brown, or even a good Beibs song (ok, ok, not rap, but he was discovered by Usher!) before teaching a bunch of kiddos at school; it jump-started my day in the right direction, but I don't really know why.
 ....I now listen to John Mayer on the way to work as a nanny to comfort and console my sanity before the crazy day begins and my life is quickly sucked away.

I CONFESS....My family and I recently wrote a list of the alcohol that we want to bring on our July 4th weekend trip and the list just got entirely too long....we drank about how pathetic we were for needing so much.

I CONFESS....I already wrote a blog post tonight but loathe having two posts in one day so I lied and put my previous post's date as Sunday and not Monday. Go ahead and judge...but be sure to read it.

That's all I have...so now it's your turn!

Please go on over and link up ASAP with this fabulous blogger, Rissy, and GO confess your life away on the world wide web!

Beatuy Bitch is BACK!

Hello all you lovely people out there! I'm back to write after a week away - did you miss me? Don't answer that question. Didn't even notice I was MIA? You're the rude one, then, not me! Keep that in mind, too, when reading the post that's about to unfold ;)

I have been away due to my new job kicking my behind! I left being a teacher to start being a nanny for the summer months and WOW....I am rethinking this whole "only want boys" thing. Being a nanny, simply put, is this: having all the responsibilities of a mom without any of the authority. Therefore, it's nine hours of battling, feeding, cleaning, and sweating....so needless to say I had little to no energy left to blog about beauty when I felt sticky from a full day of boys and toys and bugs. YUCK!

So, let's shift gears and write about something entirely unrelated to my summer job. Due to aforementioned events, I have not had time for hauls, reviews, or anything super-beauty-fun-like, but I still have something up my sleeve. In honor of my weekend away (totally needed after a first week of nannying!) I realized how many pet peeves I truly do have....when it comes to how other people look...from the neck up. I have already done fashion pet peeves (click here) so why not try my hand at informing you all of my beauty pet peeves...prepare to cringe, vomit, or even faint over the following...I would if I wasn't too busy smack-talking the gals who commit such heinous beauty crimes!

1. TOO Much Makeup - An obvious one, but let's break it down even farther.  I don't mind if I can tell that you are wearing a full face, as long as it doesn't look harsh. Too much of a good thing is no longer a good thing. What makes this even worse? When your skin is in bad shape....I admit, I sympathize and have tried masking a blemish or two in my past, but a full face of skin issues should not be masked by a full face of foundations, concealers, and caked-on powder. I wish I could have told our server that yesterday because my boyfriend and his friends just made it awkward when they all concurrently wanted to know, "What's wrong with her face? It looks like brown paint exploded on her." Boys are brutal, but alas, they were right on target with their question, albeit quite harsh. It's TRUE, though, too much makeup is just TOO much. Obviously my photo is a dramatization of what I'm talking about, but really, it isn't that far off from some of the people I've come across as of late!

2. THICK Eyeliner - I love myself a cat eye (although I've never tried this look on myself), but when a gal has just a HUGE, messy line of liner...I instantly think less of her. Unless she is on her way to a themed party where you are encouraged to look like a hooker, put the eyeliner pen/gel/pencil down and step away! I saw this all the time happen at school when the faculty bathroom was taken and had to resort to using the girl's bathroom next door (hated that!) - girls would be shoved in front of the mirror piling on super black inky eyeliner....and they looks like ten cent hookers....no, they looked worse than the hookers. Makes me want to cry...but then again, I'd be afraid my tears would turn black. Oh wait, I don't even have mascara on today (nanny fail). Taylor Moms, you need to go back to being little nice Jenny Humphrey and hang up your hooker look in the back of your closet!

3. Frosted Pink Lips - let's just be clear....in my opinion, lips can be just about any color in the book aside from being frosted. Really, this look is only worn by the skanks who go out to bars just to take photos of themselves looking like a duck. It is a look mastered by the fashion trainwrecks of the world; it is only made worse when it's put against orange skin and looks nearly white instead of a cute pink - such a fine line you're walking there, my dear! Gahhh, I should have put this first, because it truly makes me want to cringe and makes my eye twitch at the thought of such a heinous look. Really, whoever decided this look was in should be taken behind a Sephora alley and beaten to death with a hair dryer. Was that too harsh? NO, because I loathe this look that much! The truth hurts....so do hair dryers.

4. Skunk Hair - Ok, I know your hair isn't "technically" beauty but it "sorta" is. I'm done using the quotes now. Really, though, skunks are not cute. Ok, they are...but only when they're being sold for $40 at a farmer's market after being de-scented (I've heard stories about this and am strongly considering looking into a skunk pet - but the fear of it not being fully de-scented scares me too much. Random rant over....) I also want to meet the person who decided that this two-tone style should be a hit....because they deserve to be hit....and to have their eyes burned with the peroxide that's dying the top (or bottom) part of this trend! I am all for coloring your hair; add low lights, put in some highlights, but when you deliberately make your hair two very different colors, I have no sympathy for you. Even Pepe Le Pew would look the other way....and that's saying something, because that skunk chases pussy all the time. CATS, people, I'm talking cats....relax. If you somehow tragically fell into this trend, run (don't walk) to a bathroom and dye your hair immediately!

5. Painted Eyebrows - As a girl who was plagued with stick-straight hair but curly-coarse eyebrows, I know the woes of the brows better than anyone....after all, when it's been too long between waxes, my boyfriend lovingly calls them "caterpillars"....what a bitch! Either way, I'll take my bush-man eyebrows any day over seeing another pair of drawn-on eyebrows. I have horrendous eyesight but I can still clearly tell your eyebrows ARE NOT REAL! I am very sorry if you can't grow thick eyebrows, but embrace what you do have, don't cover it up and paint over it. It makes me instantly think you just left your drag gig and somehow forgot to wash off your stage makeup first. Do you want me thinking your a drag queen? No? I didn't think so. Go get some real brows.

I don't think I was as mean as I am normally, so perhaps that's a good thing? I truly do apologize if any of my beauty pet peeves offended you, but listen, it's all in good fun. I'm entitled to my own opinions, right?

Do you agree, disagree, hate me for what I said or glad I said it for you? Let me know! I promise I'll stop letting my nanny gig suck the life out of me and I'll blog more often. Once July 15 hits, I go down to work 3-day weeks instead, so only a bit more time before I can blog much, much more. Yay? Nay? Anything you'd like me to write about? Fill me in!

I've missed you all! Until next time, farewell my lovahs.

OOTW + Club Commentary

Yeah, that's not a typo. I am posting an "outfit of the weekend" - no, I didn't spend all three (yes, Friday is the weekend!) trolling around in this outfit as I would undoubtedly look like a hooker, but it was the "main even" outfit, so it deserves the new title of OOTW. Explanation finished...let's move on!

Went out to a new club in the city to celebrate a friend's birthday (even though we're celebrating again next weekend for his real birthday!), so I needed to do it up as I have A) not been to a full-blown club since my college days and B)we were getting to drink open bar until midnight for twenty cash-dollars....and who doesn't want to look like the rest of the club-heads when they're drinking with the best of 'em, am I right? So here's the outfit...it's as "club" as I could let myself go.

Dress - H&M

Jacket - Forever 21

Necklace - Forever 21

Shoes - Marshall's

 The jacket later came off as I forgot how hot as hell those club places get, but I liked the jacket for a "hey, she's not a complete whore" type of look as well as adding a little edge to an otherwise girly outfit. LOVE my new shoes, such a random trip to Marshall's on Friday (after seeing Bridesmaids, no words!) left me with these bad boys and a nice pair of daisy dukes from Guess - go me! Can always use another pair of wedges, right?

The white dress used to not be quite so hooker tight when I bought it last year....guess my ass and boobs got a smidgen bigger....not sure if that's good or bad, but we'll go with it regardless!

So let's talk CLUBS - cue the pop music, bad dancing, and even worse outfits! I am very conscious when it comes to my appearance in public, but apparently some people just don't give A SHIT about it, and I'm sorry, but that's just rude to the rest of us! Yeah, I'm talk to the girls who are wearing shorts so tight that they create muffin tops coming out of the bottom of their shorts....like, that's not a good look for anyone, so who let you out looking like that? (For more fashion pet peeves, click here!)

VIP areas make me uncomfortable. Roped off sections for a group of people that probably wasted far too much money for bottle service piss me off,  but not in the way you would think. They piss me off when they're in the bathroom and talking about how they over drafted their bank account to get the bottle service and how "so many random people are drinking my shiiiit".....bitch, you have some random-ass guido watching your area and he's going to let in any hot piece of ass he can just to play the cool-guy card....you're to blame entirely for this....any club-head who sees VIP is going to do just about anything short of selling their body to the bouncer for a chance at your over-priced Stolli and Captain, just saying. It's your own fault to felt the need to pay so much to look like the rest of us paying $20 for all-you-can-drink until midnight.

Bathroom commentary (as previously mentioned) is the cherry on top of the club sundae. Bitches cheating on their boyfriends, talking about the other bitches in the club who are trying to cheat on their boyfriends right in front of them, and also the gals who are breaking shit (pretty sure someone's going to need to pay for you throwing your shoe at the tampon receptacle in the bathroom stall), stuffing toilet paper down their bras in front of everyone washing their hands (I'm sorry but I just left middle school for summer...so what's your excuse?!) - really, I think we should pass a law that makes it acceptable to physically abuse someone when--and only when!--they are inside of a club bathroom. Instead of the random people who sit inside the bathroom handing you towels or candy or whatever else those bathroom attendants do, they should be paid to beat bitches up in the bathroom. I won't pay you for your snack-size Snickers, but I will pay you to beat up the bitch who will not stop taking photos of herself in front of the sink with frosted-pink lips kissing the air.....take it elsewhere, I need to sanitize my hands, thank you!

Again, I sort of apologize for being so rude, and I do enjoy the occasional club trip for the reasons aforementioned, so why not take a little dig at them, too, for comedic purposes? Also, I couldn't just post an outfit that was meant for the club without giving you my experience, as well, am I right? I may be a bitch in writing, but I would never be the bitch that you call, well, the bitch at a club. I'm just too nice to play that bitch, and as far as I'm concerned, there are plenty of them out there already for our entertainment.

As for me, I finished one job Friday to begin another one tomorrow. Resting up, as I'm still feeling the effects of our escapade last night...woof.

Until next time, farewell and salutations!

No More Teacher, No More Books.....

Today marks the LAST full day of school for the kiddos (and teachers!) here. I could not be more excited, probably more so than my own kiddos, to get out and enjoy the summer heat. In honor of this wonderful event, I'm pushing the beauty blogger aside once again to bring out my teacher rants one last time before the summer hits! Enjoy :)

....and if you missed the last one I did, feel free to read it HERE!

Tip: Don't bother mentioning critical pop culture information as jokes because you'll look like a total loser. 
Exhibit A.
"You three look identical today - like rough Justin Beibers or another Hanson trio!"
"Uhh, Miss Smith, who is Hanson?!"
 "Oh, come on! The Hanson brothers? MMBop? No? Really? Nothing?"
 .....Not a single student in my class of 22 kiddos knew what the hell I was talking about. I actually got pretty pissed about this!

Exhibit B.
"I get that the bell is going to ring soon, but do you really have to crowd around and sit here looking like The Breakfast Club right in front of the door?"
"We're not eating breakfast?" (No really, one of my girls said this....)
"No, like the movie, The Breakfast Club, a classic 80s movie!"
"It's from the 80s?! Sounds stupid."
.....Again, another comment that pissed me off. Not to mention this particular student came to my class late because she was in the office getting in trouble for sending, well, "inappropriate" pictures of herself to boys. Ugh, maybe if she wasn't so pop-culture deprived, she wouldn't be such a little floozy! (Another word my kiddos probably don't know!)


Tip: Even though they may not know critical pop culture information, they know about current pop culture even when they definitely shouldn't!
"Miss Smith, you always have coffee, like every day!"
"I suppose you're right...how else would I survive in this school?!" (So very true...)
"Yeah but you walk around looking like Nancy Botwin or something, like, constantly drinking from the straw of your iced coffee."
......YES, this just happened this morning and it definitely came out of a boy whose voice has yet to start cracking and who probably still can't control his hormones, so he has NO business watching Showtime! Dear lord, I was mortified. They can recognize a character from a show about pot but can't understand my Hanson joke?! Gahhhh.


Tip: When running a school newspaper, watch out for intermittent interjections in your articles before publishing.
"Miss Smith, my article has something in it that I definitely didn't write."
(Looking at article) "Well, apparently Britney has a nice behind to deserve that kind of award...."
....A student had taken it upon himself to write "Best Ass Artist" in place of "Best New Artist" in one of our articles about Britney Spears. Too bad the kiddos don't know I know exactly who posts what so the current kiddo in question is sitting in in-school suspension for the rest of the year for THIS offense aaaaand this one....

"Miss Smith, you need to come look at this NOW."
"What's up?" (Looks at article) "Hmmm, well, I personally wouldn't want to wear those shoes, would you? Go on and change it and be sure to look for any other inappropriate footwear in your article!"
....Same student placed the word "penis" in place of the word TOMS in our article about the footwear. Anywhere it said TOMS, a nice male member word was put in its place. Fancy yourself some penis shoes? Didn't think so....

And no, you can't possibly think a child would get away with this without some good old-fashioned humor, am I right?

Tip: Discipline them on a solo basis; then, they have no one to come to their aide and no audience to entertain with their terrible quips and attempts at jokes.
"I assume you know why I called you out here."
"No idea, really...."
"Let me ask you something, would you want to walk around wearing shoes that resembled a male body part that resides in boxers for most of its life? Because I know I wouldn't, and I know the girl who wrote about TOM shoes definitely wouldn't....so would YOU?"
"Uhhh, no, Miss Smith, I guess I wouldn't."
"Want to tell me what else you did to the paper or should I just find out for myself?" (Already knowing well enough what he did.)
"I didn't do anything else, I really didn't!"
"Feel free to tell the principal that, because I don't know if you'll be so readily able to lie to him as you just did to me. Enjoy the rest of the school year in suspension....it's been a pure treat having you in class. Don't bother going back inside, just go straight upstairs to the office."
........BOOM! Justice was served and I finally had a clean newspaper to publish!


Again, I'm not a very conventional teacher but I have successfully made it through a year of being around children under the age of 17 more than I'm around actual adults. Even after all of the crazy times, wild rants, and rough days, I wouldn't change to any other job and be quite as content as I am in a school. It not only feels good to know I'm in the right place, but throwing a little humor and a lot of sarcasm into the mix is the icing on my English teacher cake. I hope you've enjoyed the teacher rants. Although there have been only two, I've included some of the best gems from this past year.

Back to beauty blogging soon enough! I know I'm under the rule of Project X Pan but seeing as how my e.l.f. eyeliner in the project is nearly dried up to a little puny bitch, I think it may be time for a NYX haul for some of their eyeliners and pencils ;) I'm a terrible PXP-er, I know.

Until next time, farewell lovahs....go out and enjoy that late spring weather for me while I'm pushing through these last 1.5 days!

NOTD & Awards Commentary (Warning: I'm Rude....)

Before I get crass and bash a couple of celebs, look at my cute and innocent-looking mani/pedi! Admire it for all it's classy perfection and cute-sy colors before reading my commentary below ;)

Sally Hansen Salon Effects in Girl Flower (on all toes and both ring fingers)

Essie's Lapis of Luxury (on fingers)

Three of the nail strips fell off my toes last night after entirely too much walking (never apply right before trekking it through the city all night in wedges!) so I had to reluctantly open the second pouch in the package which means that I wasted the rest of the strips just to fix the issue because they dry out within 24 hours of opening (flaw in the system, for sure - read my review of these bad boys HERE). So what did I do to waste even less? Give my impromptu manicure a little spring boost! I know summer is just around the corner, but I think the combination of paint and print turned out well and looks perfect for the beginning of summer (which doesn't officially start for me until Friday at 11am!) If you're thinking "why not just put it on all your fingers?" then I'm here to tell you my fingers and toes would look like odd hand/toe gardens and I'd feel like some sort of Barbie doll with all that floral fanciness! Just not my thing, call me crazy.

IN OTHER NEWS.....(Warning : Keep your comments and thoughts inside the ride at all times until I've come to a complete stop....then comment.)

Did anyone catch the MTV Movie Awards? It's pretty much the only show I let myself watch on MTV without feeling ridiculously wasteful or guilty. Did anyone catch it AND think it was....awkward?!

Robert Pattinson is still hot as hell and that will not change, but dear goodness gracious was he the most awkward and most ridiculously odd person there or was it just me? I mean, even his maybe-girlfriend Kristen Stewart was less awkward than him and she usually takes the cake in that department no matter where she is! At least they both looked decent? Say what you will, but I liked her dress actually! And the preview for BD:Part One?! The secret-locked-away Twi-Hard in me came out strong and I was way (way, way) too stoked for that preview!! When Edward broke the headboard......GAWD, the boy's perfection.............if he isn't on stage at the MTV Movie Award messing up the punchline of his motherf*cker joke for Reese. Yep, I said it.

Also, in other awkward-esque & Reese-related news, did Reese seem a bit tipsy when accepting her award? She usually isn't that outspoken and although she still looked and acted classy throughout the speech, she just seemed....loose, but not in the sexual way (as it would just be even more awkward for me to comment on that!) but in the not-nervous-at-all-way in a situation that would be quite nerve-wracking, no? Just my opinion, and GO HER if she was, she deserves a cocktail (or five) for being so awesome and ridiculously gorgeous! Her dress was "eh, whatev" but she rocked it with such confidence, she could have worn a dirty bed sheet and she still would have nailed it.

Harry Potter so got the shaft in so many categories (even the Twi-Hard in me was like, "come onnnnn people!"), but I disagree with them even being placed in the Best Kiss category....seriously? We all know Hermione's love is not with Harry, so let's not recognize it, mmmkay? However, in other HP news, Tom Felton, I have a new found love for you. He looked smoking hot and so dapper in his suit! Perhaps I should have rethought my allegiance early on and been a Slytherin just to, uhhh, Slyther-in to Tom's pants (I had to, I'm sorry!!) But, again, seriously, HP deserved Best Movie, hands down....apparently the MTV Movie Awards turned into the MTV Vamp Awards....kind of lame, I'll be honest.

Did anyone also notice that my gal Selena definitely gave away the Beibs surprise appearance? Everyone was all "Oh, he isn't coming, he isn't here, yadda yadda" and when asked on the carpet by the idiot interviewer who should have already known the answer, Selena stupidly responded with, "Yes!" before quickly changing her answer to, "Oh here?! Oh, no, no, not here." Uh, who is more idiotic then? Maybe Selena thought the interviewer was asking if Justin's puberty was finally here to which she would excitedly (and relieving-ly) respond with a resounding "Yes!" but no....he wasn't asking that, Selena, so you dropped the Surpise Beibs Bomb. You're lucky I still think you're the most normal tween-turned-teen-turned-legal-adult-star out there and not too mention you're way too pretty for any one human being. Her outfit was fun and interesting and not too sexy, Miley should take note! Well played, wizard, and a nice recovery from the "Ooops" interview!

OTHER "WTF" MOMENTS:

1. The presenters not knowing what to say when Justin won and they still thought he wasn't there, but really, they knew all along and were waiting awkwardly because he was late coming out. ("He must be skyping with Jaden who also isn't here, where are they? ahhh, gahhh, mumble mumble grumble...AHHH, it's JUSTIN!")

2. The camera staying on Kristen during the acceptance of Best Kiss while Rob went to find Taylor to kiss instead, and then Robert awkwardly grabbing Kristen after coming back and saying, "I'm taking you backstage!"....hey, I don't need to know your sexual business unless it's plastered in the tabloids...then--and only then!--do I seem interested, but that's really because you didn't want us to know....when you DO tell us, it's just loses the flair.

3. Emma Stone's voice was completely off from the actual sound during her small performance with Jason....not really that awkward but it created a very "is she or isn't she?" situation and I quickly questioned if it was her singing. I know she was, but an odd lips-don't-fit-recording should make anyone question it! Lest we forget the epic Ashlee Simpson situation where it was a very clear "SHE ISN'T" situation. Thankfully my girl Emma can just chalk this up to bad seven-seconds-delayed editing!

4. All of the bad (and belated!) bleeps -- seriously....if you're bleeping something, we know they shouldn't say it, so it only makes it worse....just let them have their cake and swear at it, too. After all, just like it screwed up Emma's voice, the delay usually doesn't always work out when covering up people's curses....which results in an ass(bleep) sort of moment...you covered up the wrong word, genius.

Overall, I enjoyed seeing the fashion (although there were no stand-outs for greatness but I should note Leighton's dress was an odd oversized mirror on her body that just did not work), some of the jokes were stellar (Mila and Justin nailed it!) and even some of the awards were well-deserved (like Tom's and Emma's), but I will have to reconsider letting myself watch anything on MTV now without feeling guilty or like a waste of life after all the crap that happened with this award show (I was extremely perturbed with the sketch that showed a male mouse zipping his pants after coming out from under a female mouse skirt before showing the nominees for Best Male Performance....really?! Stop the madness!!) It seems as though MTV has polluted everything they touch with raunchiness, crude humor, and awkward celebrities....and that's just not my thang, bitches. It is my thing, however, to comment about their faults for your reading entertainment!

NOW, tell me your thoughts! Notice anything I missed? Disagree with anything I said? Fill me in, give me your feedback. If you didn't watch it, you're a better human being than I and if you really want to see it, no worries....MTV is notorious for replaying their award shows over and over (and over) again until you can recite the lines perfectly like watching your favorite movie. But at least those reruns stop them from showing even more pregnant teens, dirty guidos, and old has-beens competing for cash....and I'll take bad humor and wrong bleeping over that aforementioned shit any day of the week!

Until next time, as always, farewell my lovahhhs....

Coastal Scents & Mini Haul

I have commited a crime and will be in jail so I won't be blogging for awhile......

KIDDING....on the jail part anyways. I did, however, commit a crime of the beauty variety. I bought TWO makeup-related items but they are not similar to what's in my Project X Pan so I'll bring this down to a misdemeanor or even let myself go with a stern warning ;)

I also think I redeemed myself in the beauty department because I finally used my Coastal Scent palette! I went for the Metal Mania one instead of the Warm palette, so stay posted for a look in the warm family. I didn't want to go too crazy because it is hot as hell outside and didn't think it'd look too cute to have all these makeup colors running down my face. Forgive me, too, because the photos aren't the greatest, I'm new at this whole only-take-my-eyes type of photography!

Lid = Orange-Yellow

Crease = Warm Pink
Blended Throughout = Bronze Orange

Liner = e.l.f liquid pen liner in plum

Mascara = Physician's Formula Glam Mascara for Brown Eyes

Time for the haul! I went to Target and Famous Footwear and although I didn't get a lot, here are the goods!....oh, and my photo of everything was just dreadful so I took the photos offline for better viewing pleasure!

Black Wedges - G by Guess (50% off $80 bucks? I'll take it!)

Kimono Sleeve Top - Target

 

Bathing Suit (only the top) - Target 

(I bought a green to match the flower's leaves for the bottoms)

Kabuki Brush - EcoTools

Maybelline Clear Great Lash Mascara (for unruly brows) - Target

That's it for the mini haul. The shoes, shirt, and suit look much better in person (in my opinion) so I'll be sure to do OOTD posts with at least the shoes and top (probably not the suit, though....awkward!) 

So sue me for buying makeup-related items! I needed a kabuki brush and clear brow gel, they weren't merely just "wants" so I'm ok, right? Right. Sure, let's go with that!

Hope you're all having a fantastic weekend! Enjoy the sun, get out there and soak up the rays with plenty of SPF!

As always, until next time, farewell.....

Mayo Favoritas ("You Know I Don't Speak Spanish....")

Silly me, I was checking up on blogs and saw a decent amount of "May Favorites" and was thinking, "What the heck are these girls doing - jumping the gun a bit here aren't we?!" Then, the idiot blonde in me got smart....I cannot believe it's JUNE! Insanity. I feel like it was just yesterday I was writing up all my April Favorites and looking forward to all that May had to offer. Overall, a very enjoyable month and I cannot wait to see what June has in store!

Now, though, let's break down the MAY favorites. I'm not going all archetype on your asses this time with five favs (for the fifth month) in five different categories....I'm just too damned sunburned and lazy from a great Memorial Day weekend....don't judge ;)

Naked Eye Palette - Is it any wonder this became a May favorite? I love half baked and smog, but I need to actually use more of the colors in the palette....which reminds me! I have yet to use my Coastal Scent palettes and there's TWO of them...perhaps you'll be seeing them in my June favorites...if I ever can pull my grubby hands away from Naked!

Daisy by Marc Jacobs - Such a wonderful scent for spring and summer, end of story. I'd bathe in it if the idea wasn't so oddly disgusting :) It actually reminds me to spritz it on every morning because it just smells that good that I don't want to forget to wear it! 

Rimmel Blush in Winter Glow - Odd blush name for a May favorite, but the first two colors in this "blendable" blush are perfect complements to a bronzed face. The last one is a little too pinky/red for me, so I just use the first two and I'm good to go! I don't recommend using all three together, though. It creates a bit of a clown look....so not cute!

Umberto Dry Shampoo - It's $8 and it is probably the best one I've ever used....honestly, I've used a lot of dry shampoo in the past couple of years, too! Go and buy it nowww!

Physicians Formula Glam Eyes Mascara for Brown Eyes - Yeah, I know, I have blue eyes but this mascara was too cool to pass up. It's black on one side and brown/bronze on the other for highlight. I don't always use the highlight side but I've learned that I love fatties....when it come to mascara wands, relax. Seriously, though, this brush is so FAT and it coats every last little lash so perfectly. Love it so much, and the bronze highlight is perfect for adding that little something extra.


How that ended up being five favorites is impressive, definitely did not try to do that! I'm so very much looking forward to finding out what's my favorite in June, but right now, I'm more interested in knowing what YOUR May favorites are....now that I know you are not bonkers for posting them already ;)

Until next time, farewell!