F*CKED Fashion...yep, I said it!

I have seen a couple posts as of late about pet peeves, whether it be in the beauty department or even just in general. I just did a big beauty post (look below) so I figured it might be fun to post some fashion pet peeves. Complaining about something so trivial and quite meaningless also helps me blow off steam from a stressful week. THANKFULLY, the kiddos have off tomorrow and I only have to work from 8am-1pm judging (yes, judging) senior projects...yep, the life of a teacher is tres glam, I know!

NOTE/WARNING: If you are easily offended, you probably don't want to read this. I'm nothing if not brutally abrasive, but I do it all in good fun. I have no specific human being(s) in mind when writing this and I'm not trying to offend anyone by explaining my pet peeves. Relax, life is meant to be enjoyed. Continue if you wish....

1. WEARING CLOTHES THAT DO NOT FIT YOU.

To all the bitches who think that they can squeeze into the clothes they wore before birth control or the freshman fifteen plagued them drive me insane. No, I'm not telling you to lose weight or even that you're overweight, but FIT is everything when it comes to looking presentable to the world. Try to remember this when you (or someone you know) is trying to wear the god-awful buttoned shirt that shows more lumps than Grandma's horrendous mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving. This photo should instantly make you feel uncomfortable; this side effect is normal and should pass once people learn how to dress PROPERLY.

2. SUBLIMINAL TOPS/DRESSES

Who EVER thought it would be a good idea to take an already heinous pattern and put white slahes through it? "OH, I know! We can just make it look cut into, it's genius." NO, it's actually idiotic on another level. I also want to know what is going on in the minds of the girls who tell their friends in the dressing room, "Yesssss, girlfrannn, this top/dress is going to bring allll the boys tonight on the dance floor....get it hunnay!" She's wearing a shirt that looks like someone accidently bleached an Ed Hardy pattern....the only thing she'll be bringing to the dance floor are the actual  Ed Hardy adorned men...and who wants a guy who wears bedazzled dragons all over his shirt with cursive writing that he can't even read because his big muscles stretch it out....on purpose. Just stop. There's no subliminal message for this look aside from "If you wear this, you're secretly showing everyone your IQ is lower than how much you paid for that outfit."

3. BANDED DRESSES
I saw this look so much in college I wanted to gauge my eyes out. Who wants to take a dress and make it flowy on the top and all of a sudden have it suck their thighs only highlighting the fact that you're already starting to have cellulite (hey, we're all human!) I'm not sure if it's worse on the girls who almost fall into fashion faux #1 or on the nearly anorexic gals who wear it without the banded part even hugging their invisble curves, so it just hangs awkwardly, only showing how much you desperately need to eat....an entire cow. This also makes you just look cheap. No designer with any sense of dignity is going to take an ill-fitting dress such as this and make it in mass quantites ("Keep 'em cominggggg - all colors and patterns!!") I actually just saw a girl wear this style of dress with the subliminal pattern all throughout. It's amazing I didn't vomit gin and tonic all over her. I almost wish I had. I'd be doing the bitch a favor! There are cute variations of this, but the banded dresses I have in mind are very much like the one in the photo where the band is thin and skinny, not wide like a full skirt.

4. FAKE DESIGNER BAGS
If you can't afford it, then just don't buy it. A classic, simple bag (even if it is made of fake leather) is better than rocking a goach (gucci and coach mashup) or any other fake bag. They come from places where children are slaving to make them. For what? So you can tell your friends you bought the cuuuutest...knockoff? Just listen to that last statement. Yeah, it sounds absurd. So are you for carrying that fake. Even if it looks real, what's the point? You're fabulous without needing a fake Coach bag to tells others that. Seriously, just stop! Most fake designer bags just look cheap as hell, and I'm looking out for you.....you don't want to look like a cheap hooker or 10 cent whore, do you? Good, put the bag down and back away from the fakeness. More often than not, too, I'm annoyed by the real bags that are covered in patterns. I'm not a patterned bag girl, end of story. The fake aspect of designer bags annoys me much more than the real bags with faaaaar too many patterns, though!

5. UGG BOOTS AND DENIM SKIRTS
Denim skirts usually signify the start of summer for a lot of girls, so why does a winter boot need to be added to spring/summer attire? Sure, a good cowboy boot or something of that nature is justfiiable, but fur-lined boots with a denim skirt? GAG. It looks very childish to me, but perhaps that's because I work in a high school setting where some (not all!) girls have yet to figure out their whole high school career has been a fashion disaster so they rock this look constantly. I cannot stand the sight of these two paired together....if it's hot, fur is not acceptable. If it's cold, why the hell are you wearing a denim skirt? Unacceptable, end of story!



I only have five to rant about. There is surely more that drive me bonkers, but I'll stop it at five. Speaking of five, I'm changing my "Five Friday Facts" to just "Five Friday" where I'll say, show, or explain five things....topic changing weekly. Seems a bit more interesting, a bit more exciting....a bit more...whatever. So I apologize in advance for having back-to-back posts that boast a whole lot of five!

What are YOUR pet peeves when it comes to fashion. Do you agree/disagree with any of mine? Let me know!