Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Superficial on Hold

Wow, an entire month has gone by since I last updated!
Ok, fine, an entire month and one more day. I get it.
I'm an awful blogger.

No, I didn't fall off a cliff.
No, I haven't been away from a computer.
No, I have literally no excuses, funny or otherwise.

I know clear minds should prevail, but I have decided to end my blogging days for the time being.
There is a very solid chance I will pick this up again when summer hits and juniors/seniors are no longer ruling my life.
For now, though, I am putting my Superficial duties on hold to focus on my job, my sister's wedding, time with SSB, and my life in general.

PLEASE feel free to stalk me through my Twitter and Instagram (tour_eh). I have turned into an Insta-Whore (that's what she said....) and have been doing well on keeping my tweets chirpy (get it? I am so lame.)

So, yes, this is NOT goodbye, but rather......hey, we dated for a while and it was fantastic, the sex was phenomenal, but I just need some me time, you know, without you in my bed snoring every single night. Yep, you guessed it....it isn't you, it IS me, indeed.

Thank you to each and every single one of you for making SS the most superficial it can be. I absolutely adore every last one of you and hope you will be around when I make a sick comeback.....or, whatever.

Until next time, whenever that next time comes............

Friday, March 16, 2012

Catching Up -- Five Friday

I fell off a giant cliff near my school and am just now getting back to normal from the horrific accident.

No, that's not true at all, you silly cats and hood rats.
I'm just busy. & (slightly) lazy. & formerly sick with some crazy unknown illness that's really no more serious than just the common cold.

I am BACK for a bit, though, to catch you up on the not-so-cool things going on in the world of SS. My students sit silently taking a standardized test (draft writing, my bad!), so my downtime is great and I am lah-ving it! Here's a quick (or not so quick) Five Friday for you, random updates edition!

1. First things first, this weekend is St. Patrick's Day and I may look more Irish than I really am, but damnit, I celebrate like a champ. The downtown festivities cannot be missed and the weather is proving to be quite charming and lovely for a wonderful time of outdoor day drinking.....BUT what to wear, one might ask? Well, I have been searching far & wide for the perrrfect pair of green jeans. "A pop of color by way of denim is so in right now, SS, how easy for you!" -- HAH, I laugh at your naivety, because the only jeans I could find were mint, teal, turquoise, sea foam, or just about any shade of green aside from IRISH green. That is until I walked into Old Navy post-workout one night out of sheer bordem (or sheer panic of needing green jeans). LAST pair of true green pants that exist on the planet...and they were on the mannequin. Nuh-uh, SS ain't havin' that! I promptly turned into "that girl" and asked one of the employees if I could de-pants their female model. She didn't seem fazed at all--helpful even!--to endure the awkward task. Once I had the pants in my hand, I thanked her kindly for her de-robing skills and also apologized for being "that girl" (which makes you even more so "that girl") -- air quotes over. Green pants found. Let the drinking commence! (tomorrow, that is....) I leave you with not a photo of new skinny pants (sort of self-explanatory) but a recipe for a grrrrreast Irish beverage that sounds disgusting but you need to taste it to believe the magic. Fo' reals. If my one sistahh is reading, she'll be proud I posted this!

IRISH BREAKFAST SHOT -- If you do it correctly, the finishing taste is exactly like pancakes...wild!
1. In one shot glass, pour two counts of any whiskey and one count of butterscotch schnapps.
2. In another shot glass, pour in some good ol' orange juice.
3. Take the first shot and immediately follow with the second.
4. Let the pancake taste fill your mouth with joy.
.......you're welcome ;)

2. Second things second, I have a new baby! She's adorable, really, and although I've dressed her in the one color I hate most (pink), she still somehow shines and sparkles like a true superficial piece of technology after my own heart.
{awkward crooked photo much? sorry.....}

I know, I know, the "newww" iPad is coming out THIS Friday (aka today), but why not jump on this deal?! The iPad 2 is now $100 cheaper and the "newww" iPad has grrreat specs and all, but I don't need all that mumbo-jumbo schtuff when the 2 is just as cute. Done deal. I went up a bit in SSB's book for owning one. What a loser techy he is!

3. On the topic of technology, I have been bah-bah-busy with stuff at school...but mostly outside of my own classroom. Seniors are starting to get hellishly sick with something I can only find to be LAZINESS, but they have some cutesy name called "senioritis" -- I mean, I had it too....but for four years of college, so it was entirely different....and entirely warranted! Oh, right, technology. Well, in the midst of all the cray-cray going on, THIS happened.....
...and I cried.
...and I called SSB.
...and I got a new phone/case the same day.
...and all was right with the world again.
(if you're like me & want durability without buying an Otterbox, buy a SPECK case!)

4. Can I make a shout-out now? To one of my dearest blogging pals, The Procrastinator! I was out shopping at Marshall's to find a yoga towel (ok, to find just about anything cute) when I came across a makeup item she recommended to me a few months back. & WOAH, honey child, I lahhhhve it dearly. I dare not leave you in suspense any longer....
Enter: The Balm Products
I found not ONE, not TWO, but THREE different sets from The Balm and I just could not decide....so I picked up all three. Then, a small voice (or my friend) told me I was being irrational considering two of the sets had very similar products. I let my better thoughts win out and purchased only two. Life-savers, I tell ya! The products include.....(sorry no personal photos of post-purchase packages since I ripped into those bad boys faster than La-Lohan gets outta jail!)

If you do not have any of their products yet, you MUST scope them out ASAP. The packaging alone suckered me in before the inner genius in me screamed and said, "THIS is what The Procastinator was talking about!"
The products I purchased are two blushes (Hot Mama & Frat Boy), a shine powder (Sexy Mama), and a mini kabuki brush (sooo soft!) -- the BEST of the bunch (and the reason I freaked out) was the Bahama Mama Bronzer...so fab, I love it a ridiculous amount!
If you are not already following The Procrastinator's posts, you're missing out, dear readers! Go check her out immediately. Seriously....go.

5.I leave you with just ONE teacher rant story to end this hodge-podge-fodge post!
Male Student: Miss Smith, I wanted to ask you something, but really do not want you to be mad at me.
Me: Ok, well opening with that line never ends well, soo.....
Male Student: But Miss Smith, I'm one of the best in this class, and I really need your help!
Me: Ok, ok, shoot....
Male Student: I am entering a local radio contest to win VanHalen tickets. Soooo....
Me: Ok, spit it out, class is starting...
Male Student: Well you only win the contest if you enter a photo of your teacher while they're teaching.
Me: That doesn't make any sense!....I'm not a fan but I know that's not how their hit song goes...
Male Student: Uhhh, well this is awkward now. It is a hot teacher contest.
Me: Sit down, it's not happening.
Male Student: (whispering to classmate as he walks away) I'll just get the photo when she isn't paying attention.
Me: I heard that.
Male Student: Shit.
....and scene. All in a day's work of educating our youth....on what you should never ask your teacher. (PS the actual radio contest is not a real teacher contest...just for people to dress up like slore-bags and pretend to play hot teacher for a couple snapshots. I meeeean, I don't play pretend anymore, kitty cats, those days are past me, thank you very much....I don't pretend to play the bitch teacher anymore, I just am her!)

I am so sorry for straying from the SS scene as of late. Promises to do better, but promises are empty, soooo I'll just go ahead and say I'll see ya when I see ya next ;) --which WILL be soon!
RANDOM FINISHING NOTE: Listen to Gotye's "Somebody I Used To Know" and let your ears jump with melodic joy. It's good. SO. good.

Until next time, I hope you have all been doing faaabulously in your own lives.........

Friday, March 2, 2012

Mini SS Review : MAC

Happy Weekend & Happy March kitty-cats and hood-rats! I am here today to send out a mini review on TWO products I think you need to add to your arsenal.....ASAP ;) Consider this a review and a favorites during the month of February, considering I purchased them a solid two (ok, three) weeks ago. Failed blogger much?!

I love beauty and hoarding products as much as the next superficial bitch, but I have never actually purchased MAC products before. Sure, I've stolen an eyeshadow or blush from my sister one or ten times, but that doesn't equate to actually owning my own items...until just recently. Here are the three I purchased on mere impulse.

First & foremost, I already send this review was on TWO products, but there are three shown here. WELL, dear readers, I am returning the foundation after only one use. I wanted so badly to love this Pro Longwear Foundation after hearing such rave reviews, but I think MAC's foundation colors are just too dark for my paler complexion. Also, the consistency felt tacky after a bit of time on my face. I went back to my Revlon ColorStay for my date night after wearing the MAC all day and my skin looked so much better. I swear, I have yet to find a department store foundation that I love as much as my drugstore Revlon and Maybelline products, fo' reals!
What are your thoughts on Clinique's EvenBetter Foundation (what I was going to buy before my MAC splurge)? My sister is a fan, but I didn't know if anyone out there had something negative to say about it. A foundation that works as skincare and isn't a BB cream is a-ok in my book! I may give it a try.....we'll see.

My MAC impulsive splurge wasn't completely lost, though, oh no, hunnies! I also bought the SkinFinish Natural in Light Plus and I cannot put into words how obsessed I am over this product -- it is unbelievable! It sets my foundation to last all day and it's never too cakey or chalky, even if I accidently put too much on my brush. It blends flawlessly, covers beautifully, and I don't even really need concealer after using it. If you have yet to buy a MAC product or you just are in the market for a new setting powder, THIS is the powder to buy. It makes my MUFE HD powder look like a whimpy bitch, no joke. Run to your MAC counter/store and buy this!

Now that I am back to my blonde locks (and damnit, it feels SO good!), I realize my lip colors from my brunette/auburn days only work if I add a bit of bronzer to my face.....which I habe been much to lazy to do lately. I wanted a lip balm that was a bit like a lipstick and the lip butters were recently sold out at my Target, and there I was in front of MAC's Sheen Supreme colors.......and found my darling, literally. Ultra Darling is the cutest stinking color out there right now, hands down. No matter how light or heavy of a hand I use to apply it, it always looks good! I have been applying it over my BabyLips balm (which is the best damn $2 I've ever spent!!) and it makes my lips look fuller and so healthy, I have used it consistently everyday since buying it and I cannot imagine life without it now! Really, even if the color isn't for you, buy another Sheen Supreme Lipstick, because they are fantastic.....I myself plan on finding another shade to enjoy just as my asmy pink darling ;)

There you have it, my two new favorite products. Please do yourself a favor and grab a Natural SkinFinish and a Sheen Supreme Lipstick in your favorite shade. You will not be disappointed in the slightest. After all, SS would never point you in the wrong direction ;) I got yo' back, bias!

Until next time, farewell pretty faces and beautiful people...............................

Monday, February 27, 2012

The Day AFTER a Red Carpet.......

......everyone becomes a critic!

I am here today to only talk about the dresses I adored, though, and will leave out the ones I could have done without. WHAT is our fashion/celebrity world coming to when there was not a single dress I completely despised? Sure, I didn't love all of the looks, but I never once had to gag or spit out of my drink in shock of someone..........

unless you count Ryan Seacrest getting ashed by the Dictator. Yowza......
{More so than the Dictator, I couldn't stand the bitches next to him....
they looked like they had sticks up their asses and their makeup just
highlighted their botox and overtanned skin. YIKES!}

First and foremost, though, all ashes aside, here is my FAVORITE look of the night.......
Jessica Chastain
{She looked amazing. Her hair and jewelry and skintone matched the dress perfectly. I may be biased because it's an Alexander McQueen gown and it was custom-made by Sarah Burton (win-win-win-wiiiin), but no one can deny this look is flawless. If you don't agree, I really don't know if we can continue being friends in this way. Jessica killed it with edge in a sea of dresses that, while great, were not "wow" factors for me.}

My girl, as always, did a fantastic job. I loved her little stint on the stage while presenting more, though. COULD she be any cuter? I think not. Girl crush established. She is just too flipping cool.
Emma Stone
{I didn't love the dress at first but after a bit of time seeing it on her more and more, it grew on me fast. I think it helped that her hair looked great, too. Had she worn it down or even half-up, it would have killed the look for me. Thankfully, mah girl knows what's up and pulled out a show-stopppaahh!}

Other greats looks include some one-shoulder bizzznisss.....
Stacy Keibler, Milla Jovovich, Rose Byrne
Fiiinne, I'll admit this just once...Stacy is an attractive broad. Done. She doesn't need more compliments...she has Georgy freaking Clooney on her arm. 
Milla looks fabulous pairing her red lip to a white/cream gown...old Hollywood meets a bit of edge (simply because it is Mila!)
Rose Byrne's sleek hair with the sequined gown and open back just exuded class with sass...the best of both worlds! (Still not better than her jumpsuit, though, loved that look).

Who were some of your favorites? Did you have any that you completely hated? I really wanted to like Shailene Woodley's dress, but it just didn't work for me. Great dress....just not for her. HUGE, huge improvement from her SAG Awards disaster dress, though! 
Also, Angelina....just stop. You're making EVERYONE look bad. Seriously. Stop the madness.
All of the Bridemaids looked pretty darn good. I didn't love all of their looks, but I can't deny that they looked polished and put together and showed effort in their overall appearance. Kudos!

Until next time, I am sad to see awards season go, but at least it stops making the rest of us look that much worse in comparison to Hollywood Elite..........................................

Friday, February 24, 2012

Five Friday...Teacher Attire

As I sit here with a white trash combo of Chardonnay and a splash of ginger ale (I know, I scream classy) I feel like I should blog and write about something.....

......but I got nothing. (except for saying this is obvi a scheduled post, seeing as how I am not drinking on the job before 8am.....OR am I?)

I could blame many, many things on my lack of blogging, but really, I have nothing for you that would be anything but a sorry, lame excuse. Also, I still cannot find my damn camera cord, and taking iPhone photos is getting ooooold, so I have pulled what creative juices I have left and re-created my work attire for you in Polyvore form. Most of these include at least one actual piece from my outfits this past week (including today's) and all of the outfits are virtually the exact same in terms of style, color, fit, and overall look. Polyvore, you're too damn good!

Indulge....and Happy {Five} Friday!

Monday - We had an in-service full of meetings and no kiddos. Time to play it super casual! & those are actually the new boots I got (Jessica Simpson), super cute!

Tuesday - I honestly never wear pink, but somehow, my new hot pink blouse from F21 is a fast favorite! I felt so pulled together while still feeling on trend. Even the kiddos complimented me on the color -- they have their cute moments after all. I was feeling extra festive, too, so I added bright F21 rings to finish off the look!

Wednesday - LOVE myself a good wrap dress. You cannot go wrong with a good black and red combo...comfortable but still professional, best of both worlds! Target (where my red wrap dress is from) is a great place to search for cute and affordable work clothes!

Thursday - I am one of the advisers for our SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions) club and 2/23 was "Purple Day" in order to raise awareness and show support against teen dating violence. This purple tee was only $7 from Old Navy....such a cute color for spring! I had on a scarf that had the exact same blue and purple tones as this Missoni one, too! Something about a maxi dress and my cropped F21 white/black color blocking blazer pulled the whole outfit up to an extremely professional level, despite the casual t-shirt. SUCH a comfortable outfit, too!

Friday - Even though we are allowed to wear jeans on Friday, I always dress up my top half with a blazer or nice blouse so I don't blend in too much with the kiddos. My Aldo booties are still my favorite and the kiddos love 'em, too, oddly enough!

I try to keep my outfits balanced between cute/trendy and business/professional. My students always ask where I find all of my clothes, and little do they know MOST come from stores they shop at.....like F21 and Old Navy. Yeah, bitches, I'm just that crafty ;) Make it werrrk, sistah!

Have a fabulous weekend, enjoy yourselves! I'll leave you with my latest purchase/splurge and a photo of me and Mr.SSB from our Valentine's Day weekend dinner (where we hit up da club afterwards to meet his friends.....yeah, we keep it real...and sweaty).

Until next time, I'm off to enjoy my own weekend and relish in all the beauty that is the END of February.....................

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Love's Hangover Remedy

Even though your Valentine's Day roses are already wilting and your heart-shaped candy box has been in the trash since, oh, 9:30am last Wednesday (I don't judge), the love is still in the air....and it's only proper for a blogger to grab that air, breathe it in.....and then write about it.

Or do her best to show said love in black & white photos of only the hottest pieces of ass in town!....or, uh, in LA town, not this town, as I'm usually surrounded by 16-18 year olds who think they are hot but are actually small, small babies with even smaller maturities.

I am not usually one to gush over celebrities, because I have class, dignity, and am in a loving relationship with SSB.
Unless you count John Mayer. I've lost all class when it comes to dishing about this piece of meat. Too bad he's a huge bag of douche now....still hot, though.

WHO else is hot in my eyes? (but not as hot as SSB, in the off chance he is reading this!!) WELL, I will show you....in black & white photos. Everyone looks better in black & white and men look sexier in black & white, so let's get down to biznizz! 
WARNING: With this post, I have claimed stake to all of the following gentlemen. If, at any time, they become available for you to date, please inform them that you will be unable to accept their loving gesture because I, SS bitch, have already called dibs.....so send them my way, if you would be so kind ;)

1. James Dean (claiming him for the after-life, clearly) -- WHAT a stud. The start of all studs. He made it possible for men like James Franco, Johnny Depp and Justin Bobby (of The Hills fame) to look dirty and somehow still have ridiculous sex appeal. Applause are neccessary for this fine ass.

2. Joseph Gordon-Levitt -- I meeeeean, does this need justification? No. It really doesn't. This man is near perfection, end of story. Sings, acts, dresses well, acts like a gentlemen, stars in romantic movies and blockbusters (like the upcoming Batman). So yes, he is our closest human being to perfection. Smell it, take him in, he's a breathe of perfect summer air (see what I did there?!)

3. Andrew Garfield -- Okay, I really do need to claim stake on this one, as he isn't huge yet but will be soon enough....once his Spiderman movie comes out. He has great taste in women, too, because his arm candy is none other than my girl crush, Emma Stone. Well played, hunky hunk, well played!

4. Paul Rudd -- Call me unconventional here, but he has some odd quirk that I really enjoy (that's what she said). His humor is dry, his hair is dark, and his smile is just that adorable smirk that makes you wonder if he's an asshole or if he just is laughing at the rest of us for being schmucks & suckers to his charm. Ado-able....I mean adorable!

Other notable men include: John Mayer (bears repeating!), Ryan Gosling (obvious), Robert Pattinson (vampire love), and the classic stylings of George Clooney (gold medal for silver fox status). Yummo in my tummo of man love!

Let it be known that I do not condone the behavior of treating people like meat. After all, Johnny Depp said it best in Charlie & The Chocolate Factory. "....even I am eat-able, but that is considered cannibalism and is frowned upon in most countries." BOOM!
Really, though, I mean this all in good fun. SSB is an asshole, but in the most loving way possible.
& sure, these men are fantastic, but I obviously do not want to come across like a woman who charges after men like a starved panther. That's just wrong.....and I'm much more like a calm barracuda, just ask SSB!
For more man candy, though, follow my boards on Pinterest -- woot, woot!

Until next time, share your man candy with me so we can all drool.....................

Friday, February 17, 2012

Five Friday...Who is Boner-vair?!

I realize that the Grammy awards were a few days ago (or almost an entire week ago), so this post may be a tad late, but this is my blog, sooooo let me be lazy and eat my lazy cake, too, kay?!

I am not here to ramble on and on about the great and not-so-great fashions (YES to Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood for fabulous dresses and NO to Nicki Minaj for just....no), but rather, I want to discuss what the Grammys are truly about.....YESH, sir, it's time for an SS musical ssss-nack time ;)

After reading a tumblr page completely dedicated to poking fun at this artist, I thought to myself, "How on earth am I one of the (apparent) few who not only know of this man, but thoroughly enjoy his music?!" I meeeean, it made sense when momma and poppa bear asked me who the gruffly man was on SNL a couple weeks back, but youngsters like us? Shenanigans!

PLEASE, for the love of all that is music, take a few minutes and listen to the following songs from one of my favorites, BON IVER (pronounced bonnyvare or bone-E-vair)......you know, that bearded dude who won best new artist this past Sunday.
Fun Fact #1: His song "Skinny Love" is under the top ten most played songs on my iTunes since adding his first two albums to my iPod in 2009. Yes. He is winning best new artist nearly three years later. Again, shenanigans. Wasn't the Gaga-ster up for it last year? Those silly Grammys!
Fun Fact #2: His song "Woods" is featured in Kanye West's song "Lost in the World" -- a fantastic song, so check it out here!

Warning: Do not listen to Bon Iver if you don't appreciate the slower, more melodic tones (no, I'm not being sarcastic). Honestly, his music may bore some to tears (like SSB) but enlighten others (like me). He has the voice to make me cry in the shower and rejoice in the pleasure of a sunny day.....all in the same album. He's true, raw talent, no gimmicks included, which is why he was a great choice to win this year. (Still love my girl Nicki, but I could have done without the odd performance.....)

For FIVE FRIDAY, here are five great songs by the ever-so-enchanting Bon Iver....

Skinny Love

The Wolves (Act I and II)




If you were lazy and couldn't click play on any of these songs (shaaame, they're SO good!!), go pull out your best pirate impression (see what I did there?!) and get all of his albums: Blood Bank (EP), For Emma Forever Ago, and Bon Iver. I promise, if you love music that is slower and overflowing with feeling, you will not be disappointed in the slightest!

Until next time, please let me know what you think of Mr. Bon Iver (or Justin Vernon) AND inform me of any artist that you love so I can check them out...................


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