The Day AFTER a Red Carpet.......

......everyone becomes a critic!

I am here today to only talk about the dresses I adored, though, and will leave out the ones I could have done without. WHAT is our fashion/celebrity world coming to when there was not a single dress I completely despised? Sure, I didn't love all of the looks, but I never once had to gag or spit out of my drink in shock of someone..........

unless you count Ryan Seacrest getting ashed by the Dictator. Yowza......

{More so than the Dictator, I couldn't stand the bitches next to him....

they looked like they had sticks up their asses and their makeup just

highlighted their botox and overtanned skin. YIKES!}

First and foremost, though, all ashes aside, here is my FAVORITE look of the night.......

Jessica Chastain

{She looked amazing. Her hair and jewelry and skintone matched the dress perfectly. I may be biased because it's an Alexander McQueen gown and it was custom-made by Sarah Burton (win-win-win-wiiiin), but no one can deny this look is flawless. If you don't agree, I really don't know if we can continue being friends in this way. Jessica killed it with edge in a sea of dresses that, while great, were not "wow" factors for me.}

My girl, as always, did a fantastic job. I loved her little stint on the stage while presenting more, though. COULD she be any cuter? I think not. Girl crush established. She is just too flipping cool.

Emma Stone

{I didn't love the dress at first but after a bit of time seeing it on her more and more, it grew on me fast. I think it helped that her hair looked great, too. Had she worn it down or even half-up, it would have killed the look for me. Thankfully, mah girl knows what's up and pulled out a show-stopppaahh!}

Other greats looks include some one-shoulder bizzznisss.....

Stacy Keibler, Milla Jovovich, Rose Byrne

Fiiinne, I'll admit this just once...Stacy is an attractive broad. Done. She doesn't need more compliments...she has Georgy freaking Clooney on her arm. 

Milla looks fabulous pairing her red lip to a white/cream gown...old Hollywood meets a bit of edge (simply because it is Mila!)

Rose Byrne's sleek hair with the sequined gown and open back just exuded class with sass...the best of both worlds! (Still not better than her jumpsuit, though, loved that look).

Who were some of your favorites? Did you have any that you completely hated? I really wanted to like Shailene Woodley's dress, but it just didn't work for me. Great dress....just not for her. HUGE, huge improvement from her SAG Awards disaster dress, though! 

Also, Angelina....just stop. You're making EVERYONE look bad. Seriously. Stop the madness.

All of the Bridemaids looked pretty darn good. I didn't love all of their looks, but I can't deny that they looked polished and put together and showed effort in their overall appearance. Kudos!

Until next time, I am sad to see awards season go, but at least it stops making the rest of us look that much worse in comparison to Hollywood Elite..........................................

Love's Hangover Remedy

Even though your Valentine's Day roses are already wilting and your heart-shaped candy box has been in the trash since, oh, 9:30am last Wednesday (I don't judge), the love is still in the air....and it's only proper for a blogger to grab that air, breathe it in.....and then write about it.

Or do her best to show said love in black & white photos of only the hottest pieces of ass in town!....or, uh, in LA town, not this town, as I'm usually surrounded by 16-18 year olds who think they are hot but are actually small, small babies with even smaller maturities.

I am not usually one to gush over celebrities, because I have class, dignity, and am in a loving relationship with SSB.
Unless you count John Mayer. I've lost all class when it comes to dishing about this piece of meat. Too bad he's a huge bag of douche now....still hot, though.


WHO else is hot in my eyes? (but not as hot as SSB, in the off chance he is reading this!!) WELL, I will show you....in black & white photos. Everyone looks better in black & white and men look sexier in black & white, so let's get down to biznizz! 
WARNING: With this post, I have claimed stake to all of the following gentlemen. If, at any time, they become available for you to date, please inform them that you will be unable to accept their loving gesture because I, SS bitch, have already called dibs.....so send them my way, if you would be so kind ;)

1. James Dean (claiming him for the after-life, clearly) -- WHAT a stud. The start of all studs. He made it possible for men like James Franco, Johnny Depp and Justin Bobby (of The Hills fame) to look dirty and somehow still have ridiculous sex appeal. Applause are neccessary for this fine ass.

2. Joseph Gordon-Levitt -- I meeeeean, does this need justification? No. It really doesn't. This man is near perfection, end of story. Sings, acts, dresses well, acts like a gentlemen, stars in romantic movies and blockbusters (like the upcoming Batman). So yes, he is our closest human being to perfection. Smell it, take him in, he's a breathe of perfect summer air (see what I did there?!)

3. Andrew Garfield -- Okay, I really do need to claim stake on this one, as he isn't huge yet but will be soon enough....once his Spiderman movie comes out. He has great taste in women, too, because his arm candy is none other than my girl crush, Emma Stone. Well played, hunky hunk, well played!

4. Paul Rudd -- Call me unconventional here, but he has some odd quirk that I really enjoy (that's what she said). His humor is dry, his hair is dark, and his smile is just that adorable smirk that makes you wonder if he's an asshole or if he just is laughing at the rest of us for being schmucks & suckers to his charm. Ado-able....I mean adorable!

 

Other notable men include: John Mayer (bears repeating!), Ryan Gosling (obvious), Robert Pattinson (vampire love), and the classic stylings of George Clooney (gold medal for silver fox status). Yummo in my tummo of man love!

Let it be known that I do not condone the behavior of treating people like meat. After all, Johnny Depp said it best in Charlie & The Chocolate Factory. "....even I am eat-able, but that is considered cannibalism and is frowned upon in most countries." BOOM!
Really, though, I mean this all in good fun. SSB is an asshole, but in the most loving way possible.
& sure, these men are fantastic, but I obviously do not want to come across like a woman who charges after men like a starved panther. That's just wrong.....and I'm much more like a calm barracuda, just ask SSB!
For more man candy, though, follow my boards on Pinterest -- woot, woot!

Until next time, share your man candy with me so we can all drool.....................

Five Friday...Who is Boner-vair?!

I realize that the Grammy awards were a few days ago (or almost an entire week ago), so this post may be a tad late, but this is my blog, sooooo let me be lazy and eat my lazy cake, too, kay?!

I am not here to ramble on and on about the great and not-so-great fashions (YES to Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood for fabulous dresses and NO to Nicki Minaj for just....no), but rather, I want to discuss what the Grammys are truly about.....YESH, sir, it's time for an SS musical ssss-nack time ;)

After reading a tumblr page completely dedicated to poking fun at this artist, I thought to myself, "How on earth am I one of the (apparent) few who not only know of this man, but thoroughly enjoy his music?!" I meeeean, it made sense when momma and poppa bear asked me who the gruffly man was on SNL a couple weeks back, but youngsters like us? Shenanigans!


PLEASE, for the love of all that is music, take a few minutes and listen to the following songs from one of my favorites, BON IVER (pronounced bonnyvare or bone-E-vair)......you know, that bearded dude who won best new artist this past Sunday.
Fun Fact #1: His song "Skinny Love" is under the top ten most played songs on my iTunes since adding his first two albums to my iPod in 2009. Yes. He is winning best new artist nearly three years later. Again, shenanigans. Wasn't the Gaga-ster up for it last year? Those silly Grammys!
Fun Fact #2: His song "Woods" is featured in Kanye West's song "Lost in the World" -- a fantastic song, so check it out here!

Warning: Do not listen to Bon Iver if you don't appreciate the slower, more melodic tones (no, I'm not being sarcastic). Honestly, his music may bore some to tears (like SSB) but enlighten others (like me). He has the voice to make me cry in the shower and rejoice in the pleasure of a sunny day.....all in the same album. He's true, raw talent, no gimmicks included, which is why he was a great choice to win this year. (Still love my girl Nicki, but I could have done without the odd performance.....)

For FIVE FRIDAY, here are five great songs by the ever-so-enchanting Bon Iver....

Skinny Love

The Wolves (Act I and II)

re:stacks

Calgary

Beth/Rest

If you were lazy and couldn't click play on any of these songs (shaaame, they're SO good!!), go pull out your best pirate impression (see what I did there?!) and get all of his albums: Blood Bank (EP), For Emma Forever Ago, and Bon Iver. I promise, if you love music that is slower and overflowing with feeling, you will not be disappointed in the slightest!


Until next time, please let me know what you think of Mr. Bon Iver (or Justin Vernon) AND inform me of any artist that you love so I can check them out...................

Howww Pinnnteresting, Dahhhhling....

I never jumped on the "Pinteresting Wednesday" bandwagon (however fashionably conscious that bandwagon may be!)....want proof? I'm not even linking this up...I'm just posting my recent pins. Does that make me a bitch? I rah-leeeely hope not. You're more than welcome to consider me lazy from it, though, that's entirely understandable and justified! (Sorry I'm not sorry?!)

As of late, here's what I've been pining (or pinning) after.....HAH so witty, how can you stand it?!

{I bought a set of 8 prints that are all Andy Warhol, in eight different colors, with eight different quotes..this is an example of one of them. My classroom could always use more color & I love having quotes for the kiddos to read and ponder. Yeah, I'm that teacher. Plus, Warhol is a native to my hometown, gotta represent!}

{Reese. I mean, can you get any prettier? I just wrote about her in my Globes post, but this photo bears a repeat of how awesome Miss Witherspoon truly is. Love the sweater/scarf combo, her makeup, her hair, gahhh, she makes me jealous! Why did I ever stray from my blonde strands?! Thank gawwwd they are slowly coming back!}

{This outfit really grabbed my attention and I can't even put my finger on as to why. She looks like a million bucks but also looks like she took little to no time to prepare the ensemble...that skirt even looks like a crappy fabric in the second photo, but a geeenius crappy fabric! I just love the chic-meets-edgy feel to it; I try to emulate that in my own style....if only I had oodles of money to make it easier! }

{I need this scarf in my life. Why have the original McQueen creation when you can go ahead and make a louder statement with a (in my opinion) much cooler skull print where they look like straight punks?! Who wants to give me $555 for it?! Any takers?!......Damnit.}

{I've been looking for a bangle I can add to my everyday arm party.....this one says it all. It's so perfect. I need to get to the closest Urban Outfitters and fast. Actually, I think it's only sold online. Cha-ching goes the register, boo-hoo goes my wallet.}



{Leather leggings/pants with a demin/chambray shirt? YES to all of the above, please! So badass but still so stylish and chic. I can't even take how much I love this look. Thanks to my friend for finding this photo first. Uhhhh, you know who you are biaaa!}

I have pinned much more but those are some of the ones I chose to share with all of you lah-vely readers ;) Share some of your pins....or better, leave your pinterest name in the comments so I can stalk what you're pining (errr, pinning!) after these days. HAH again, so witty. Sorry, I'm done now.....

Follow me here on Pinterest!

Until next time, happy pinning and happy Wednesday-humptastic-day!............

SS's Take on GG

Gawd, can you smell that? The hairspray, heavy perfume, and awkward tanning lotion?!
It must be award season. & how wonderful it smells, indeed!
Let's ignore the smells for just a smidgen, though, so we can talk about the red carpet.
Because writing this blog is much more interesting than the lessons I should be writing right now.

"Don't you have MLK day off, though, SS?"
HA -- the kiddos do, but we do not. I wouldn't complain....if it wasn't for the fact I stayed out until 1:30am last night trying to prove I am not an old bore anymore to SSB. Let's just saying....this morning? Woof.

THE OVERALL THOUGHTS
Was it just me or did everyone play it safe?! Solid colors may be in, simple cuts may be banging, but really, I only saw a few "wow" dresses. The rest were fantastic, no less, but not anything that made me text one of my friends to say, "did you seeee that?!" -- If you needed a fantastic play-by-play, check out Courtney Kerr's twitter feed from last night. She is the funny (and ridiculously) fashionable gal from Most Eligible Dallas -- a show I only watched because her monologues were hilar.

THE GREAT

Emma Stone -- If I had to choose a "girl crush," Emma would be my pick. She had me ever since she sang to the "Pocketful of Sunshine" card in that highschool movie. Anyways, this dress, the color, the eagle belt, it all worked for me. She rocked it from head to toe, nothing on her was off. Best Dressed win for me!

Reese Witherspoon -- She makes me regret ever being anything but my natural sunny hue! Dear gawwd her hair may look like she just had a romp in the sheets, but she rocked it! The dress at first glance (on E's red carpet show) looked leather, which was ah-mazing...but even after discovering it was not, it still looked fantastic. She nails it almost anytime just because she is seriously gorgeous.

Dianna Agron -- This was the "wow" dress for me. So many people will probably place her in the "bad" category, but I think she did really well with this choice. Red is a great color for blondes, a great color to be fun with, and she stepped outside the "simple" box, so I commend her for that alone. Hair and makeup were great complements, too!

THE GOOD

Zooey Deschanel -- I wanted to love this but I could only like it. It looked great on her, went well with who she is, but the hair....did anyone notice the awkward curls that mimicked bad sideburns when she was being interview on the carpet?! I couldn't look away! The rest of the 'do was great and the tuxedo nails? Adorable just like her! I wish she went slightly more elegant but I don't fault her for sticking true to herself....and in a custom gown no less!
Nicole Richie -- She is one of my fashion bitches, but she fell short on something here...I just don't know what that something is. The dress is great, if perhaps slightly too simple (shocker), the hair is nice but perhaps an updo would dress this, errm, dress better. It's as though there could have been five more minutes in the styling session to take this up a notch to hit a true high note.
Jessica Biel -- Already preparing for her nuptials I see?! Test-driving dresses during awards season, perhaps? She looks gorgeous, of course, but this dress just was not right for the event. I would easily wear something similar to my wedding, but for an award show, and one you aren't even nominated in?! Go in another direction....one less on the path to Vera Wang and more on the side of, I don't know, Prada or Dior Couture?

THE BAD

Salma Hayek -- Gorgeous woman....so why mess with your perfect face by adding an army of gold on your huge chest?! BAD....a terrible travesty! The bottom was nice but didn't match the top for me at all, as if the real bottom of the dress somehow was ripped by her bodacious bod and they had to pull off a silk tablecloth to save the night. Better luck next time.

Evan Rachel Woof (I mean, Wood) -- HOW many animals were harmed in the making of this dress? The sequins look like lizard skin or snake skin....and adding feathers? On an emerald dress? Pick a texture and stick to it....otherwise, you look like a 5-year-old made your GG dress during Arts&Crafts....and it was the 5-year-old that doesn't exactly make "fridge worthy" art....
Rooney Mara -- The shape, the cut, the bows by the boobs....none of this worked for me. She has such a tender and delicate face but it is matched with her harsh 'do and ill-fitting dress. I get that her hair is the way it is from her role, but still....she should have stuck to the delicate details....a dress in a lighter shade, even, would have saved this disaster. (& the fur jacket in the background is just a bonus for you all! hah)



I am sure there are tons of other faaaabulous bloggers out there that shared their thoughts on the Golden Globes. Do we agree, disagree, did I happen to miss a travesty or a masterpiece? Fill me in!

Until next time, be glad you aren't being judged as harshly (by Joan Rivers) as these celebs are about to be....you know, if you're feeling like your Monday just isn't going well, puts things in perspective, sort of, kind of.............

SS Insights & Insults, Volume Dos

Hello dear friends and readers, happy weekend to you and yours! Salutations all around.

Thought I'd take this time to shed light on the most recent pop culture news considering I am good for nothing else in life.

You know, because I read the Spark Notes of the novel I'm currently teaching my seniors (reeelax, I've read it before, liiiike, most of it...).
You know, because I write the drafts of blog posts when I should be on hall duty (to check passes? pssh).
You know, because I had my speech students write Current Events speeches so that I myself didn't have to read the actual news (& because another informative speech would be death to my soul).

1. God Did Spend (A lot) More Time on Her....while she was on 7th Heaven..... 
(99% sure she isn't wearing makeup in this photo...what a pretty bitch.)

Jessica Timberlake? Meh, sounds like a character from Sweet Valley High.  If you ask me, Biel is gaww-ghus, but in that all-American, no-need-for-makeup, rough but still classy kind of way. Not in the Justin Timberlake way. YEAH. You all know what I mean. He could date a Victoria's Secret angel, an exotic beauty from another country, or just about any drop-dead diva with a brain....but he had to go and pick a freaking Camden -- I feel as though her precher dad wouldn't approve, too much attention, too much focus away from the big man upstairs.
Really, though, I was not a die-hard JT fan (add another T and we have a serious crush!), but this news still made my heart die a bit inside. He was supposed to be a perpetual bachlor, playing in rom-coms, giving us all hope that more JT's exist in the real world. FAIL.

2. Merrymore

("Smile, laugh, act like this will last forever!")

This came out of left field, and while I am entirely indifferent when it comes to Drew Berrymore, I still thought this was great news....until my next thought was if it will actually happen. I just feel like, with these celeb days and ages, their double-sided tape has a better chance of sticking with them their their spouses do. Let's be real.....when you've been an actor since the age of 4 and a drug addict since the age of 13, I wish you luck, but your sober days may outlast your married days, just saying. The one thing she has going for her is that she'll probably never be nominated for Best Actress at the Oscars, giving her the dreaded "strong female" curse, dooming her marriage not even before the dust has settled around her award. Good job, Berrymore, way to aim low! (However, her man is pah-retty cute!)

3. "Living a Deeee-vorce Dream!"

(Just by judging this photo, they clearly are not marriage material.)

We allllll saw this coming, maybe not as much as KK and Kris, but it was only a matter of time until these two just were not longer a Mr. and Mrs. -- let's do the math, shall we? One adorable but spunky-spitfire pop singer plus one recovering addict to both sex and drugs equals nothing good! Over from the beginning? Yes. Were we all hoping they could make it, proving our world is perhaps something decent rather than doomed? Sure. Looks like this failed, giving us even less hope that we'll make it past December 2012. Thanks Myan calander, I blame you!

4. Move over Princess Rih-Rih, there's a new bitch in town!

(This belly is better than all of you, her blood is made of pure gold pretty much.)

It happened, it is here, and I probably am just as excited as I will be when I start having nieces and nephews. Beyonce's baby has arriiiiiived! Her and Jay-Z named their new baby girl Blue Ivy and I......accept it. Do I love it? No. Do I like it? Well, I don't hate it. It could be better, but more so, it could have been much worse. A reason for the name should surface before we even hit hump day this week, so if there's an adorable reason, well then, I'll probably give the name a bit more credit. That baby already has credit of the street variety, though, and other bitches in the R&B world better back up.....because this baby hasn't even left the hospital yet and she's already way cooler than you!

SS Beauty/Fashion Buzz

--Running out of bronzer in January is a travesty. Good thing Sephora gift cards are there to save the day. I am officially underwhelmed by the ever-so-amazing NARS Laguna (wayyy too much shimmer!) and the small Benefit Hoola box scares me, sooooo I went with the tried (once) and true Tarte Mineral Bronzer in Park Ave. Princess. I had Hoola in my hand, but when I compared the colors, Park Ave. just fit my skin tone better. To my dearest blogging bud, The Procrastinator, they do not sell The Balm at my Sephora (or my TJ Maxx's, for that matter), so I was bummed!!

--I am on the road to blonde a solid three months earlier than planned! It feels good to be back, but I'm not all the way back just yet. Didn't want to ruin the health of my hair so we're taking it slow. The progress you ask? A sunny brunette or a very dirtayy blonde. You decide. (It keeps looking a bit lighter in all the photos that I take -- and again, couldn't take a real photo as I still cannot find my camera cord. Blast!)

--I apparently went on a mini shoe binge and scored these two new beauts. Love is an understatement. Left pair is from Target and the right is a Steve Madden pair from Marshall's. Last one & in my size....necessary. I totally plan on rocking both to work, too, sooooo to the older bitches in their Easy-Strides who always glare at my footwear, look out, momma got new girls in town!

Hope you all had an enjoyable weekend -- my hometown had a nice random warm spell. Lah-ving that! I somehow managed to make it out both nights......but was tired during both outings, as well. I am not old, but boy, if I don't get a nap or hit the bed before 11pm, I'm just no good to the world. Note to self: NAP before going out for beverages if you do not plan on coming home until 4am. Woof, what is this, college?! Pshhh.

Until next time, farewell to you all suckassssss.......just kidding, that was rude.