Friday, September 9, 2011

End Of Summer = Nanny Rants, Photo Montage

So school is just around the corner and with that means I am no longer in nanny mode, and let me tell you, it is fan-freaking-tastic! The Mother Bear has asked me to do a couple overnights with her kids come October, but at least it's in small doses which should ensure my sanity stay intact.....hopefully.

Let's round up some memorable moments since my first nanny post, which you can read HERE. Great birth control! After that hellish week, the summer got a bit easier, but there were certainly days that made me drink heavily upon returning home, but then again, I'm a 23 year old forced to act like a mother to two boys for a minimum of 10 hours a day......can you blame me for my alcohol habits?!

Scene: Little dudes are jumping up in down in the "Ball Room" (aka play room) with mattress slides, random pillows being thrown, sharp body parts being poked into eyes. Enter "fed-up nanny".....
Me: Look like we all need to cool off, let's go to our rooms for 30 minutes while I make lunch. That'll give you time to relax after this chaos.
Tears starts, hysterical crying, really.
Littlest Dude: (blocking his door) NEVER, I didn't do anything, you're the WORST person ALIVE!
Me: That may be, but this worst person is making you lunch, so hop hop to your room, shut the door.
Exit Littlest Dude left wailing in his room.
Older Dude: You ARE the worst, you didn't even feed us breakfast.
Rewind to 8am when I arrived and asked, "Did you already eat with your mom or should I make you both some breakfast?" upon which they reply, "Mom made us breakfast, we already ate pancakes."
Me: You're right, I didn't, geeze you're smart. However, you're still not exactly right in your judgement because you informed me you didn't need breakfast, that you already ate.
Exit Older Dude, slamming his door and refusing to talk to me for the rest of the day.
Moral of Story.....Teenage angst is starting younger and younger, and breakfast is still the most important (fed or unfed) meal of the day.

Scene: Littlest Dude hates his naps so it's always a hit or miss if he'll put up a fight and ho big that said fight will be. Well, this fight was not small.
Tears have already started.
Me: It's only for an hour, buddy, you don't have to worry about your brother playing anything fun without you, he has chores to do.
Littlest Dude: I hate you, I hate you, I WANT YOU TO JUST DIE.
Sarcastic Nanny Enters.
Me: Well that's bound to happen some day, little dude, as I cannot possibly live forever. You'll get your wish some day, just not now, let's hope!
I had him so confused, he stopped crying and I shut his door, winning yet another nap fight.
Moral of Story....No one does live forever but this job just may kill me yet.

Scene: Laundry happens every Monday, anywhere between 3-8, why would I kid about that?! Regardless, one day, the laundry just smelled a bit too....strong.
Me: Hey buddies, what's going on with your laundry today? Were you guys outside in the rain yesterday or something?
Older Dude: No, A just peed all over the laundry after mom took it downstairs yesterday.
Me: He did what?
Older Dude: Yeah, but that was after he got in trouble for peeing on the brand new toothbrushes you bought yesterday while running mom's errands, so we have to go and buy new ones today.
(Interjection: Yes, I run all the "errands" too....)
Littlest Dude: (handing me his bottoms while he is stands there naked) Uhhh, can you add these pants to the laundry?
He hands me soaking wet shorts.
Me: The next person who pees anywhere that is not in or around the toilet seat owes me 25 cents, end of story.
I gained a dollar before I left that day.
Moral of Story...If it smells like piss, 99.9% chance it is piss. Use gloves when handling small children's laundry.

I thought I would end my nanny rant with an "End of Summer" photo montage (all taken using Instagram) know, to show I did somehow have a life outside of the walls of pseudo-motherhood!
{shadester, best bridge photo, first road trip of summer, why use a glass?!, local playground, funniest convo ever, always have HP fever, i live for happy hour(s), best purchase of summer, mystery sauce = getting pumpkin spice early!, arm party, feathers errrwhere, beach time, SSBoyfriend hard at work, one of many summer manis, j.crew glitter clutch & gin}

I know my summer is ending quite late and that I've already had two "fall" posts, but with school starting up, an official "end" post seemed necessary. Hope you're all enjoying September thus far!

If my younger-older sister is reading (and she better be!), HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I know this is a day late, but I already wished you an "HB" yesterday -- this post wasn't happening until today, so deal with it ;) Hope this year is better than all the others, but it will be because you're getting freaking married!!! Love you, bitch! (I use that in the "endearing" form).

Until next time, farewell lovahs....


  1. Um, he peed on the laundry? These kids sound like monsters! I know you're going to be relieved to get back to your normal job.

  2. Good god. I don't ever want children. Is it really selfish that I kind of want you to keep working with them so I have more stories to read? =P

    PS: found boots at Aldo for $140. It breaks my heart that only they carry my giant foot size.


Superficial Sanctuary


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...