Thursday, October 13, 2011

It's That Time of Year.....

no, not for another Halloween post (that will come soon, though).
no, not for another fall-themed fashion session.
no, not for another football fan & sporting event conversation.

It's really that time of year..................
FORRRR TEACHER RAAAAANTS (said in my best sing-songy/Oprah-like voice!)

{if only this could be said in real life.}

Now that the school year is in full swing, and I've conjured up a good bit of tales from the kiddies in class, it's time to share them all with you, whether it be for your viewing pleasure or for your ab workout....because I consider laughing to be the best ab workout......or the only workout.....since I don't actually workout.

Story #1 : It's Janet, MISS Jackson if you're (a student) 
Me: Guys, this is getting ridiculous, none of you are working on your assignment....hop to it, people!
Male Student: Mrs. ________, it's just so hard and long and, well, boring.
Me: First of all, for the last time, it is "Miss" (huge pet peeve of mine!) & I'm sorry, I don't think your parents pay taxes for you to be "bored" at school, so you may as well just leave and grab lunch with your homecoming date, right? Wrong. Sit down, be bored, we're all bored.
Student: Well I don't have a homecoming date yet or else I would definitely leave.
Me: Go for it, get a zero, watch this face (finger circling my own) not care!
Student: Well, you are a "miss" you aren't married yet, and I'll just assume you're free that to go to the homecoming dance with a strapping lad?
Me: I'm not even discussing the dance until work gets done in this classroom!
Student: Sooooo, Miss _______, you're saying there's a chance.
Note: If you've never seen Dumb & Dumber, this may not be as humorous to you. If you haven't seen Dumb & Dumber, shaaaame, a plague on both your houses (R&J reference)! There were no words -- there are still no words. Little boys and their little minds.....they grow older, but stay, well, little.....with no "chance" of changing in sight.

Story #2 : Sigma Kappa Bern
Me: (class is finishing, day is ending) Everyone excited for the game tonight?
Student 1: Ahh, Miss _____, SKB is ready to run it! (Gangsters Super White Kid)
Me: Is that so? I dare ask how students these days "run it".....
Student 2: We started a high school frat, Sigma Kappa Bern, and it's super exclusive, we have a slogan, shirts and everything.
Me: Forget the false name, lack of membership, and even the measly amount of funds for your frat....the slogan and matching shirts completely justifies it, you're right!
Student 3: Well, it is legit, we do have a lot of members....I'm the President.....we have a place and everything.
Me: Reeeeeally? Where at?
Student 3: (very matter-of-factly, quite confidently) My dad's house.
Me: Gripping. At the risk of losing all respect for you guys....what is your slogan?
Student 1, 2, 3: (in unison): "We party harder than your slutty sister."
If their "sisters" are anything like the sorostitutes I've witnessed in college (disclaimer: you're not all that way!), then those high school boys party pretty damn hard.....what champs, what.........losers.

Story #3: Is teaching even real?!
Me: Alright, these outlines are the first big aspect to your senior project, so make sure you do them well.
Student: I have noooo idea what I even want to write about, this is the dumbest project ever.
Me: Regardless, it needs to be done, I myself did the same project.
Student: Proof it's pointless, you ended up back in the same spot.
Me: Oh I'm sorry, did teaching just lose all of its legitimacy in the career field? I missed that article on I suppose.
Student: I didn't mean it like that, I mean, I just meant....
Me: (cutting said student off, using my best "soft little girl" voice) You, you just meant that my job is, is....worthless? (now move to a more serious tone) Have fun getting a teacher to help you graduate who is, by your sorry senior definition, "worthless" -- your transcript will look SO fab after failing English your senior year.
BOOM. & that's how you take down a 17 year old bitch -- that or confiscate her cellphone.

So, yes, the life of a teacher is hardly glamorous, but it certainly keeps me entertained, sometimes for the good....and sometimes for the greater (enter: bashing smart-ass teenagers on the daily). I look forward to collecting even more gems to share with you all. This has been another rousing installment of Teacher Rants.

Feel free to read last year's rants.....HERE.

Until next time, I'm off to go find the said article that, oh that's right, doesn't exist.........


  1. YEAHHHH teacher rants!!! I LOVE this time of year. And wow, what an attitude on that girl. I'd forgotten how mouthy kids are.

  2. hahaha these are all great! God that freaking bitch though...

  3. LOVE this! Just got back from a day of subbing. I spent the morning with kindergarteners who kept singing "I'm sexy, and you know it," and then the afternoon with high school students who bragged about condoms...but quickly wanted to drop the subject when I jumped in.

    Good times.

  4. "We party harder than your slutty sister." THAT'S hard, dude.

  5. Hey girly!!
    Your blog is so cute and creative!

    Feel free to check out mine and follow if you'd like :D


  6. I LOVE teacher rants! Also love that you used Oprah voice. Sometimes I use Oprah voice in my head to make everyday things sound more exciting (example - "It's time for LAUNDRYYYYYY!!!" or "Everybody's getting some bills to pay! You get bills to pay, YOU get bills to pay! You all get bills! Yay!!!")

  7. haha oh my these are priceless! so great. love your sense of sarcasm. classic! thanks for stopping by :)


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