SS Insights & Insults, Volume Dos

Hello dear friends and readers, happy weekend to you and yours! Salutations all around.

Thought I'd take this time to shed light on the most recent pop culture news considering I am good for nothing else in life.

You know, because I read the Spark Notes of the novel I'm currently teaching my seniors (reeelax, I've read it before, liiiike, most of it...).
You know, because I write the drafts of blog posts when I should be on hall duty (to check passes? pssh).
You know, because I had my speech students write Current Events speeches so that I myself didn't have to read the actual news (& because another informative speech would be death to my soul).

1. God Did Spend (A lot) More Time on Her....while she was on 7th Heaven..... 
(99% sure she isn't wearing makeup in this photo...what a pretty bitch.)

Jessica Timberlake? Meh, sounds like a character from Sweet Valley High.  If you ask me, Biel is gaww-ghus, but in that all-American, no-need-for-makeup, rough but still classy kind of way. Not in the Justin Timberlake way. YEAH. You all know what I mean. He could date a Victoria's Secret angel, an exotic beauty from another country, or just about any drop-dead diva with a brain....but he had to go and pick a freaking Camden -- I feel as though her precher dad wouldn't approve, too much attention, too much focus away from the big man upstairs.
Really, though, I was not a die-hard JT fan (add another T and we have a serious crush!), but this news still made my heart die a bit inside. He was supposed to be a perpetual bachlor, playing in rom-coms, giving us all hope that more JT's exist in the real world. FAIL.

2. Merrymore

("Smile, laugh, act like this will last forever!")

This came out of left field, and while I am entirely indifferent when it comes to Drew Berrymore, I still thought this was great news....until my next thought was if it will actually happen. I just feel like, with these celeb days and ages, their double-sided tape has a better chance of sticking with them their their spouses do. Let's be real.....when you've been an actor since the age of 4 and a drug addict since the age of 13, I wish you luck, but your sober days may outlast your married days, just saying. The one thing she has going for her is that she'll probably never be nominated for Best Actress at the Oscars, giving her the dreaded "strong female" curse, dooming her marriage not even before the dust has settled around her award. Good job, Berrymore, way to aim low! (However, her man is pah-retty cute!)

3. "Living a Deeee-vorce Dream!"

(Just by judging this photo, they clearly are not marriage material.)

We allllll saw this coming, maybe not as much as KK and Kris, but it was only a matter of time until these two just were not longer a Mr. and Mrs. -- let's do the math, shall we? One adorable but spunky-spitfire pop singer plus one recovering addict to both sex and drugs equals nothing good! Over from the beginning? Yes. Were we all hoping they could make it, proving our world is perhaps something decent rather than doomed? Sure. Looks like this failed, giving us even less hope that we'll make it past December 2012. Thanks Myan calander, I blame you!

4. Move over Princess Rih-Rih, there's a new bitch in town!

(This belly is better than all of you, her blood is made of pure gold pretty much.)

It happened, it is here, and I probably am just as excited as I will be when I start having nieces and nephews. Beyonce's baby has arriiiiiived! Her and Jay-Z named their new baby girl Blue Ivy and I......accept it. Do I love it? No. Do I like it? Well, I don't hate it. It could be better, but more so, it could have been much worse. A reason for the name should surface before we even hit hump day this week, so if there's an adorable reason, well then, I'll probably give the name a bit more credit. That baby already has credit of the street variety, though, and other bitches in the R&B world better back up.....because this baby hasn't even left the hospital yet and she's already way cooler than you!

SS Beauty/Fashion Buzz

--Running out of bronzer in January is a travesty. Good thing Sephora gift cards are there to save the day. I am officially underwhelmed by the ever-so-amazing NARS Laguna (wayyy too much shimmer!) and the small Benefit Hoola box scares me, sooooo I went with the tried (once) and true Tarte Mineral Bronzer in Park Ave. Princess. I had Hoola in my hand, but when I compared the colors, Park Ave. just fit my skin tone better. To my dearest blogging bud, The Procrastinator, they do not sell The Balm at my Sephora (or my TJ Maxx's, for that matter), so I was bummed!!

--I am on the road to blonde a solid three months earlier than planned! It feels good to be back, but I'm not all the way back just yet. Didn't want to ruin the health of my hair so we're taking it slow. The progress you ask? A sunny brunette or a very dirtayy blonde. You decide. (It keeps looking a bit lighter in all the photos that I take -- and again, couldn't take a real photo as I still cannot find my camera cord. Blast!)

--I apparently went on a mini shoe binge and scored these two new beauts. Love is an understatement. Left pair is from Target and the right is a Steve Madden pair from Marshall's. Last one & in my size....necessary. I totally plan on rocking both to work, too, sooooo to the older bitches in their Easy-Strides who always glare at my footwear, look out, momma got new girls in town!

Hope you all had an enjoyable weekend -- my hometown had a nice random warm spell. Lah-ving that! I somehow managed to make it out both nights......but was tired during both outings, as well. I am not old, but boy, if I don't get a nap or hit the bed before 11pm, I'm just no good to the world. Note to self: NAP before going out for beverages if you do not plan on coming home until 4am. Woof, what is this, college?! Pshhh.

Until next time, farewell to you all suckassssss.......just kidding, that was rude.